Want to improve your life ? Begin with changing your point of view !

While we stress over our job, get anxious about our finances or either feel stuck in a relationship, we tend to over complain about things that doesn’t really matter that much in the end.

The thing is that we always give power to the external and blame either our manager, our friends or loved one for being responsible for our own misery. 

What’s the problem with so many of us being unhappy and always searching for a better quality of life ? 

We gravitate in our comfort zone and never see opportunities in alteration. As a matter of fact, we may contribute to our own sadness because we have made the choice not to move on.

First thing first, I’m gonna tell you a great anecdote. I was in a bookshop reading few pages of self help books. A guy next to me was reading the same books and then, we started an interesting conversation over self improvement (I wasn’t the one who made the first step though, I am too shy for this…)

And from this long conversation, I learned 5 lessons from him (grateful he crossed my path - even though we didn’t keep in touch) 

We must take responsibility for our actions

If we complain about our situation, we have to realize that it’s only because WE (us only) aren’t taking responsibility for our own actions. We get stuck in something we hate because we aren’t brave enough to take the jump to change something. So hey, we aren’t cowards - right ?

Thereby, if we fail at changing something, we have to accept complete responsibility for everything we do and everything we are. And thus, no need to complain. Simple as that. No more excuses.

If we understand that every solution is within us, we will be able to make the changes we want to make.

« This acceptance of personal responsibility is what separates the superior person from the average person » Brian Tracy, Focal Point book

Rules are :

1. Our life choices are up to us and us alone 

2. Do not blame external forces for where we are in life

3. Accepting and dealing with the consequences of our actions and own choices. For example, I can say that I may have failed hard at something, I may have made a mistake but the behavior to adopt is that « I take the entire responsibility for what happened to me right now »

In other words, we are in the driver’s seat and if we end up in someplace other than wherever it is we wanted to be, we’re the one and only one who drove there !

"You alone are responsible for your feelings, actions, success, etc. You are in complete control of your life, so do not try and blame other people for your mistakes or misfortunes." - Dalai Lama

I know that it might be hard to accept that we are always responsible for what happened to us (above all when we experienced a really tough hardship like losing someone we love for example. Read my article on « how to love back again ») but I believe that either time heals or we need to work on our inner selves, make an introspection to help us alter our opinions over circumstances. 

It’s always easier to blame the other part and find a culprit while we should actually work on our thoughts and own behaviors. Why is it so hard to take responsibility and make positive changes in our lives ? One of the reason we struggle with accepting responsibility is because it’s hard to accept the truth about who we are.

This can be difficult, especially if you’re a person who strives for perfection in everything you do.

When you don’t attain « perfection » and made a mistake, it’s easy to just blame someone or something else. After all, there’s much less guilt or shame when you believe that whatever happened (or didn’t happened) isn’t your fault.

« We must take personal responsibility. We cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the direction of the wind, but we can change ourselves. That is something we have charge of. » Jim Rohn

But, fortunately, there are few tips we can strive to do to stick to positive changes :

We must change our mindset

Let’s give an example : two brothers grew up in the same home with an alcoholic and abusive father.

Years later, they were full-grown men and one of them had absolutely nothing to do with alcohol because he absolutely didn’t want to follow the same path as his father. As a consequence, by learning the mistakes of his dad, he’d become an upstanding, successful man.

However, the other one turned out almost exactly like his father : abusive, alcoholic, immature with no responsibility of his own life. 

Both had the same experience but shared different perspectives over it.

While the first one took bad experiences to turn into strengths in order to improve himself, the other one gave himself permission to blame his current life because of his difficult childhood with his abusive father.

So, instead of blaming people,our past or external circumstances and give up, we should fight for our improvement and for our success. It is way too easy to justify our bad behavior by the things we went through, we must take responsibility to change our life if we complain about it. Learn to shift your mind into greatness and you will slowly (but significantly!) improve your life.

We should realize the value of our « bad » behaviors

Sometimes, when you get mad at people, your negative feelings can serve as « facts » to improve. This can be positive in your life if you take the time to understand why it triggers these feelings.

Ponder over your bad behaviors or bad experiences : Why you’re feeling so destroyed at this moment? 

What purpose is my bad behavior serving ? What does it do for me that makes it so hard to let it go? 

For example, if you experienced a fight with your boss, try to understand why you have been so mad at him. Is it because you blame yourself for feeling so frustrated by not taking enough responsibility for your own actions ? Sometimes, it’s hard to admit the truth but if things get worse, remember that you always have the choice to move on and it’s question of perspective and/or action.

If you want to change something, take the jump, feel the fear but do it anyway !