Rules to remember to Forgive & Love (back again)

I’m gonna tell you a story. I know that everything I will relate below will be kind of difficult to apply (above all when we have experienced a breakup or a betrayal from a friend or even from a member of your family) but I believe we are all able to reach a « state-of-love » mood. It just takes time and patience. Let us be gentle with ourselves : it may not be today but in a month or even a year. The key is to let go and know that no matter the time it will take to heal, we will succeed in binding up our wounds.

So one day, one of my closest friend came to me to tell that she needed revenge from a breakup. The boy she was with was ‘perfect’ and she has never felt such passion with someone else before (I’m using her words). They had a great & intense love relationship and trusted each other for a long time. They shared many projects together and it felt like it was idyllic, until that day she came to me to tell that he decided to "dump her" by not showing up anymore. It felt like the decision came out of nowhere.

She felt like she was all alone in this relationship and that it was all in his head when the guy actually decided to go total radio silence for no reason.

Unfortunately, this sort of unexplained betrayal is not uncommon. For example, a friend can pull away from us and refuse further communication for no reason. A husband can walk out of his marriage without apparent reason.

These events are real and they happen every day. 

First thing first, we should accept our pain. Take time to heal : it is totally normal not feeling ok right now. Actually, we have to keep blessing and letting go until we literally feel the shift inside us.

We often invest tremendous amount of ourselves in relationships (loved one, friends and family) and we expect them to last forever. If these relationships end, we cling on, rehash every occurrence, and we look for meaning in every word spoken or every act.

This is the main cause of a immense suffering.

But why rehashing the past ?  It won’t help us heal since we cannot be able to change things. Keep dwelling over the past is not the solution to progress.

Instead, give yourself permission to feel pain at first. Yes, it hurts right now but will it really matter in 1 year or 2 ? I am pretty sure - none at all.

Relax and Let it go of the past.

Admit that no one has made a mistake (not you, nor the other side). Indeed, the other person has wronged you and you have been hurt for now but it is OK, it will be OK because it's not your fault. Accept that it's just a connection that hasn't established this time. Don't worry, you will heal and get back on track again.
Believe in your victory and always remember your true inner value. If you let the other person define you, then you're giving power to the external and you don't learn to love yourself.
Feel sorry for this person because she/he hasn't seen how amazing you are. Never forget your greatness. Always Forgive him/her or them and keep sending Love to them. Be thankful they crossed your paths : in the end, they are form of opportunities to learn, to evolve and be stronger.

A broken relationship is always a good experience, a great lesson to learn.

Save it in your mind and always strive to remember what you learnt from every experience thereby, you can grow mature and improve yourself.

Feel comfortable being « uncomfortable » : Hardships are blessings in disguise.

There’s a forgiveness technique which I found really helpful to use during hard times when I feel at a loss point.

A ritual of forgiveness and reconciliation (towards yourself and the other person who has wronged you).

The first thing we say in our minds to the person we’re looking to forgive is « I’m sorry ».

Why say that when we’ve done nothing wrong ? Because even if « sorry » seems to be the hardest word (cf boysband Blue boohoo ;)), it softens our heart. We learn to forgive ourselves and the other part. Accept that nobody's perfect (we are not perfect and we may, ourselves pissed someone off before as well...)

After repeating this phrase, it is very helpful to feel grateful for the good that was in the relationship - the happiness, the joys, the life lessons.

I like to tell myself that nothing in this world is permanent (and that what makes Life so exciting !! <3), try to live in the present moment without expecting that it would last forever.
Admit that all things can come to an end and you will never be frustrated. Fully enjoy every minute of your existence and you will never regret anything in the future. We often whine over the fact that « all GOOD things come to an end » but hey, do I have to remind you that ALL bad things come to an end too? ;). 

Keep another « mantra » in mind : 

A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime 

REASON

Some relationships come into being for a specific purpose. When that purpose is fulfilled, there is an amicable parting and no further contact needed.

Examples of relationships with « reason » include : patient/physician, student/teacher etc. When the purpose of the relationship is fulfilled, Goodbyes are said and that’s it.

SEASON

Some relationships naturally last for a specified length of time - a « season ». 

Examples include a student with a host family, a child with a counselor during summer camp etc. The relationships end as expected and hopefully causes everyone involved to grow.

LIFETIME

These are the more obvious relationships. Children and parents, a united couple, friends, loving siblings - by their very nature these bonds are meant to last « lifetime ». 

We can transform shattered feelings by slowly coming to the realization that a relationship was there for a Reason or a Season. It could be a friendship that lasted for 20 years that now ended, but be OK with it. 

A relationship may have not work because it was meant to end but it doesn’t mean we will never find another good one again (I’m sure the next one will be even better because you have learnt the lesson to improve your relationships ;)). Keep faith no matter what.

It enables to grow spiritually and release the expectations and hurt of the past.`

We must continue to forgive and to be grateful in order to experience shift in consciousness.

When that happens, our hearts can open once again and the miracle of healing can occur.

Some Quotes we should all recall :

« Someone’s rejection is God’s protection »
 
« Don’t feel sad over someone who gave up on you, feel sorry for them because they gave up on someone who would have never given up on them »

« When we blame the external, nothing is healed because we are giving away our power to another, we are denying ourselves the responsibility and ownership of our pain, and thereby denying ourselves the chance to accept it in our hearts, heal it and improve »
 
« You can’t control what happened to you but you can control how you react to it » 

« Never let yourself down and never forget your true value. Never give up on you. You are great. Show the world your wonderful fighting spirit. »

It may take time but you will be able to forgive once you have accepted your pain, binded up your wounds and be grateful for everything that surrounds you. Remember this is so important for your emotional growth and wellbeing.

Hope it helps <3